


Stupid things I have to do because of stupid you

by Laura_Sinele



Series: Headaches caused by reckless behaviour [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Partners, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, Draco Malfoy Feels, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Feelings Realization, Letters, M/M, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 10:38:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13856076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laura_Sinele/pseuds/Laura_Sinele
Summary: After being kidnapped and tortured by two Auror partners and other victims of Death Eaters, Auror Malfoy is compelled to undergo therapy with a mind healer.Healer Miss Tucktight tells Draco to write down whatever he feels like to and he decides to write letters. To Harry Potter. Not that he has anything to say, it's just that he doesn't want to feel stupid writting to no one or to himself.Second part of a series, probably you'll get it better if you read thefirst, but can be read as a stand-alone.





	Stupid things I have to do because of stupid you

**Author's Note:**

> There is a passage in which Draco says more or less that he was willing to die. It's not that he was suicidal or anything, it refers to the time he got the Dark Mark and he feared for his life. He comments that he preferred dying one way rather than the other. I just wanted to put it here in case it triggered someone.

Potter,

 

I hate this. I haven’t even started and I can feel my mouth curling downside in utter disgust. My quill hand refuses to touch the parchment as fast and easily as it normaly does. I have no words to describe how much I don’t want to do this, but apparently I have to. Because it is going to help me cope with the trauma or something. 

 

NO ONE CAME TELLING ME HOW TO COPE WHEN VOLDEMORT RUINED MY LIFE.

 

And two years later I’ve turned out just fine, so I am sure I can fucking survive kidnapping and a pantomime of torture, for Merlin’s sake! I’m an Auror trained as an Unspeakable. But Robards insists, Minister Shacklebot insists, mother insists, every-bloody-body insists I should see a mind healer, even you dared to offer your opinion on the matter. And here I am, writing a letter because Miss Tucktight said writing whatever crossed my mind would ease ease my troubled thoughts. 

 

Excuse me, troubled?!

 

The only thing that really troubles me right now is you back in my bloody life. That’s why I’m writing to you. Not that you’re ever going to get your nosy hands on these, but writing to someone feels slightly less stupid than writing a diary meant to nobody or to myself. 

 

It’s not that I have anything to tell you in particular. Healer’s bloody orders. Just that.  


 

D. Malfoy    

 

* * *

 

 

 

Potter,

 

Miss Tucktight almost had a seizure in our last session when she asked about my writing and I told her I was writing letters to you. Apparently this is “important progress”. You know, because you saved my ass when Holt was playing vigilante. 

 

HAS EVERYBODY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE BLOODY WAR?

 

It was not much more than two years ago, for Merlin’s beard. 

 

Why on earth is it a big deal that you saved me this time? You saved me in the room of requirement, you saved the world from Voldemort, you are my sodding partner and you want us to be friends despite we’ve always hated each other at school. Why me writing to you is progress and such a momentous event? You’re a thorn in the side is what you are. Everywhere I look you’re there with your expansive movements, your recklessness and your hero complex filling with noise my otherwise quiet life. It is only logical that you occupy my mind now. You are big-framed and you move a lot, you occupy every-sodding-thing.

 

And it is TIRESOME. You’ve got me exhausted. Everytime I see you I feel this weight on my chest like I’ve been working for ages. And then by the end of our shift you’re always talking about being friends and doing something together after work and that makes my blood rush and I can only think about getting rid of you for the day. Except now I’m forced to spend the afternoons with you. For my safety, because of the kidnapping situation. Bollocks. 

 

I mean, all my childhood I wanted to befriend you. I met you, you rejected me. End of story. What if I picked on you later on? I was a little shit, I know that, I can’t change that. But it’s not that I picked on you more than on anybody else. Or if I did it was because you were the Chosen One and kids are envious.  

 

Shit. And because I wanted your attention. Because I still wanted to be your friend.

 

I have always wanted to be your friend. I wanted to be like you because you looked carefree and your laughs sounded like laughs are supposed to sound. And you did all those brave things that I was simultaneously proud and envious of. I wanted to help you like Granger and Weasley did. I heard things at home. I wanted you to succeed. 

 

When I was a child I was told I was better and entitled to do better than anybody else but while I was doing the shit I always did because I was told I could, there was always a small, scared voice whispering “Look at Harry. You could be like him. Why are you doing this?”. 

 

It all exploded the moment I got the Dark Mark. I hated myself so much and I was so scared. I hated Voldemort, the Death Eaters, my parents… I hated you because I could have been on your side and now I was one of them and I had no saying on it. I was that or death.    
  
I really wished your Sectumsempra had killed me. It would have been so right. Because it would have been you. Back then I was sure Voldemort would kill me sooner or later and when I was laying on the bathroom floor all I could think was “good, this is better, if it’s Potter it’s how it has to be”. 

 

Actually, I think you killed most of me that time, except the little voice that always told me to look at you. The shitty part of me needed to be killed so the little voice could grow. So thanks, Potter, I guess.

 

D. Malfoy

 

* * *

 

Potter,

 

I can’t believe tomorrow I am allowed to work a whole schedule again. This two weeks in part time have been ridiculous. I AM NOT TRAUMATIZED BY HOLT AND MILTON’S RIDICULOUS ATTEMPT AT VENGEANCE. 

 

And having you around all afternoon with the stupid bodyguard excuse… what a fantastic way to waste two Auror’s time and slow down paperwork, let alone the patrol assigned at my home at night. I don’t know what Robard’s must have been thinking this past fortnight but finally everybody’s come to their senses and, Salazar, it’s good to be back. 

 

I’ll miss our afternoon chess games in your back garden, though. You’re not as a terrible player as you say. Weasley must be a freaking genius if you think you’re so bad in comparison. Oh my, what did I just wrote? This letter is never seeing daylight! Admitting Ron Weasley is a genius at something!

 

Speaking of the unexpected, you’re a good partner. When Robards first said he was going to pair me with you I would have never guessed that we’d get along and I begged to differ as many times as I could. Even when you came in your first day I tried to make the Chief reconsider, but it was no use.

  
In the end, it turned out working with you is easy. You’re smart, humble, respectful, all good qualities in a junior Auror. I’m guessing you’ll earn senior status in record time. I hope you don’t beat my 9 months mark because I’ll be mortified. But of course you will, you were always better than me. It’d be nice to have the upper hand on something for once, but I’m pretty sure you’ll beat me. All this years and I still envy you, how pathetic is that?    
  
I don’t hate you, though. I think I only hated you because you rejected me and your rejection meant I wasn’t good enough for somebody when I was always told I was the best. But I didn’t even liked myself deep inside, so it was a good move on your end. By sixth year I already didn’t hate you. I just wanted you to find out the plot and save the day like the cartoony you always did. I haven’t hated you for years. 

 

I don’t know. I suppose I just don’t want to like you.

 

D. Malfoy

 

* * *

 

Potter, 

 

I should have said yes. 

 

I am an idiot. 

 

I feel like shit here alone and bored. 

 

“I have better things to do”. Not even a ‘thank you’. 

 

I would have loved a pint and a chess game. I have absolutely no idea why I said no. 

 

I enjoy your company. You are cheeky and don’t always stick to the rules at work and that gets to my nerves but I enjoy your company. You are a friend to me. 

 

Why did I said no?

 

Please don’t stop asking. I’ll try to say yes next time.  
  
  
D. Malfoy

 

* * *

 

Git,

 

I am going to fucking murder you in your sleep because you don’t even deserve to be killed with honor, standing and given the chance to defend yourself like a human being. 

 

Excluding the war, you have given me the worst month of my life closing this unicorn traffic case. You’ve almost been killed more times than I can count and almost get me killed four times, including the one that you almost kill me accidentally. What the hell were you thinking levitating that rock?

 

Your hero complex is going to get us both killed one of this days but I swear I am going to take sweet revenge making you take care of the paperwork ALL BY YOUR BLOODY HEROIC SELF. You think I’m getting it started right now but I’m actually writing this letter. Ha!

 

And here you are, sitting at your desk with your filthy boots up, uniform a mess, scorched spots and bloodstains galore, bragging about your feats with Esposito and Johnson, your birdnest of a hair even messier than usual and your eyes shining with pride and why the blazing hell did you just wink at me? 

 

Anyway, case closed. Probably one of the most important cases of our careers although my life goal is chasing and locking up the remaining Death Eaters and I haven’t gotten my hands on a lead in months so I feel like I shouldn’t be celebrating. 

 

Now Robards pats your shoulder because of course it’s all your merit, I did nothing but stand aside, please don’t mind me. Oh, here he comes, he remembers me after all. 

 

Yes, Potter, I’d like a pint at the Leaky you and I, thank you. You are buying, of course.  

 

Your SENIOR D. Malfoy

 

* * *

 

Bloody Potter,

 

I won’t trust you in a lifetime when you say again ‘just one more drink’. I’ve got the worst hangover ever, thank the stars it’s Saturday, but I don’t know if I’ve got enough hangover potion in my cabinet in case a call comes. Seriously, have you no self control? Or self respect? Or a little concern for the wellbeing of your liver? 

 

I had a blast, though. I don’t remember laughing that much in my whole life. We danced atop the table? Who was playing flamenco at the Leaky?! I nearly broke my neck laughing when you transfigured a fork into a carnation and held it with your teeth, then started spinning around me with your arm on my waist. I was so drunk I would have picked the carnation from your mouth with my teeth but you tucked it behind my ear before I could embarrass myself. Thankfully.

 

What an odd idea, why would I ever think of taking the flower from your mouth with my mouth?

 

Anyway, I have to say you’re an impressive dancer. I remember observing you during the Yule Ball back at Hogwarts and you were terrible. Either you have improved or we were both so drunk last night that you didn’t care and I couldn’t judge. But I liked how you moved around me, I’m used to be the lead and it was nice not to be this time for a change. All fridays should end like that.

 

Shit.

 

I have a massive crush on you, don’t I? 

 

Merlin, I’ve had it since forever and I’m only realizing now, and I’m embarrassing myself re-reading the letters. And just now I wrote “observing you during the Yule Ball”?! Why would I do that if it wasn’t because I had a huge ass crush on you? 

 

That’s the fucking progress Miss Tucktight meant. Well, that’s bloody great. Great of me to find out just now that I thought I had a friend. 

 

D.

 

* * *

 

Dearest Harry,

 

Miss Tucktight says being in love with you since childhood explains everything. 

I told her as far as I’m concerned nothing needs an explanation. 

She replied that ignoring my feelings for you is unwise and will only bring me pain. 

I answered that first, pain is my second nature, and second, I wanted to be your friend for as long as I can remember and apparently now you consider me your friend so, success. I don’t give a sodding dancing fuck about anything else. 

She said I will always be unsatisfied.    
  
I closed my eyes, took a long, deep breath and recalled our chess games in your garden. “Miss Tucktight, I’ve never been more satisfied in my whole damn life. We are done with therapy”.    
  
Therapy finished, this is my last letter. As in real life I will never, ever, under any circumstance, allow myself to say this, let me just put it here. 

 

Yours truly, my love, 

 

Draco Malfoy

**Author's Note:**

> The mind healer name is a homage to my real life therapists which all without exception had had ridiculous last names (dunno, maybe I attract them?). I literally had a Dr. No once, no shitting you. 
> 
> Miss Tucktight is overprotective of Draco, hence her name. She may appear later on in the series because her name is too awesome not to use it again.


End file.
